All right. It’s finally here. After great commercial demand, I’ve finally decided that now is the time to do this. Read on…
I write this to tell you a story. One that is certain to rid you of all your mundanity and energize you to levels you hadn’t the pleasure of imagining before..but wait…am I forgetting something? Well…YES…Good Day To You! A very good day to you…in fact I write this good day to…
Hang on…is it a good day? It might be raining outside but I’d still like to call it a ‘bad day’. The reason I say that is because thousands of our fellow homosapiens are having to grapple hard in hospital wards for a rather funny reason (sadly they aren’t even in a position to listen to Tere Bina from Kal Kissne Dekha)
For over thousands of years, we have indulged ourselves in the hitherto gleeful deed of slaughtering herds of slimy looking lout-like creatures for delicious cuisines and delightful smiles over dining tables and living rooms. And today, those very ugly creatures have hit back hard in retribution and how…
This interesting phenomenon (if I might exercise that dignity) first took birth in the tiny, little exotic nation of Mexico which is incidentally known for its rather ravishing cuisines too. I daresay this taste would’ve been way too repugnant for them to swallow (well…yeah, it would’ve tasted like salt in coffee) But the very fact that this disease has voraciously permeated to 6 of the 7 continents of the world is in itself an astounding statement of this ‘very serious’ conundrum that is knocking on your door. The WHO (the who’s WHO of world health..) in utter nakedness declared this a ‘world pandemic’, which is the ‘official’ way of saying, “We’re fucked, for good.” Rome might not have been built in a day or the seas might not have formed in a fortnight, but Africa would certainly meet its terminal point in less than an hour if Fine Flu was added to their already overflowing plate of deadly diseases.
The symptoms of this disgusting disease are disgusting, yet exceedingly disgusting for they originate from disgusting living organisms with disgusting phenotypic and behavioral characteristics. Reading about them for the first time, you might very well get tempted to think they’re the symptoms of just any other normal ‘disease’ that gives you an excuse to bunk school for a day. Those good old fevers, coughs, colds, body aches, diarrheas of those other ‘routine’ diseases might ensure you get back to work in a couple of days to a scowling class teacher who’d be livid you missed ‘two precious days of school’. However, magically, the symptoms of Fine Flu would nail you to the bed (a hospital bed mind you, wherein the other delightful activities that are normally performed on beds cannot take place) for a couple of weeks and ensure you’re given a rousing reception back at school for managing to stay alive. Sadly though, %$@&@ innocent, hapless civilians across 5 oceans and 5 continents are having to put up with these grave difficulties. Thankfully though, the number in India isn’t much. In fact, the number stands at a meagre *&%#. Sources close to me reveal some exclusive information that political parties of pink flowers, red spades and yellow cycles intend to feast on this issue exposing the government’s action…oops…inaction to tackle the syndrome that has also badly plagued their own party workers. Thankfully though, inspite of Hyderabad being the city with the highest number of Fine Flu victims, our CM can breathe easy. His Delhi counterpart has overtaken him in the race for supremacy and has established Delhi’s reputation as ‘the capital’ of India in all possible connotations of the word.
I remember reading a news report last month which made me drop the glass of orange juice I was holding, which claimed the United States President himself had contracted the disease (in whom interesting symptoms like total darkness were observed instantaneously). The report was rebuffed almost as effectively as the effect of gravity on my glass and the US President managed to escape the flu in order to save others from it. But his country wasn’t that lucky. Folks, UNITED STATES STANDS TALL TODAY as the country with the highest number of Fine Flu victims. In fact, a survey conducted by The Official Fine Flu Tracking Network (which I’m not sure exists on Planet Earth) revealed an interesting statistic, according to which 189% of the total number of Fine Flu victims in the world had to spend more than 189 hours each in their respective quarantine wards. Therefore 189 X %$@&@ valuable hours that could very well have been used in uplifting the lower strata of the society, empowering women, bringing about economic and social equality, lynching corrupt politicians—all those precious hours have gone down the drain. Look, that’s what those unattractive sluts have done to us.
I hang my head in shame and disgust.
All I want to say is that They Don’t Really Care About Us.
We must take the sternest action on them no matter if they’re Black or White (gay or straight, young or old, tall or short, lean or fat, destitute or prostitute)
This disease has indeed accentuated into a Bad Thriller.
And it is for us to Beat It off the face of this planet,
In order to Heal The World And Make It A Better Place For You And For Me And The Entire Human Race.
(sobbing voraciously)
Goodbye MJ…you will be missed…
…and yeah, buzz off Fine Flu. You won’t.
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