Assiduous Aphorisms

Over the last few days, I’ve been in the pursuit of trying to determine several ways of making people chuckle when they visit my page. Here’s the first practical manifestation.

This week, I look at what several socio-economic scenarios mean to a few nations in the world (…no countries that aren’t on the World Map on Pg.68 of my Atlas..). Let’s get started straightaway:-

 

NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION

·         Let’s start off with a country whose nuclear arsenal is now in serious question-Pakistan. Well, in case of Nuclear proliferation for Pakistan, the only eventuality can be this-more arms in the hands of the Taliban and the country gets a taste of its own weapon!

·         In the case of Sri Lanka, it would mean more strikes intended towards the LTTE but as in the past, the civilians would get castigated! Or…Eelam, if it gets formed till then.

·         The United States..well…we’re already well aware of their extravagant Nuclear repertoire. But what if there is added gild to the Lily? The targets…no..not Pakistan…not Iraq…it would be India, particularly directed towards the Left for nearly disrupting a major source of revenue!

·         What then, about India? A case of Nuclear Proliferation presents various possibilities…but India will refrain from bombing other nations, in its trademark genteel fashion. But since armoury of such immense scale cannot be left otiose, India will use it to extract indirect benefits. The Swiss Ambassador will be summoned by the External Affairs Minister and a vivid view of the repertoire will be shown…in return for the millions of black money stashed in the Swiss banks!

·         North Korea-Well…any need to predict?

 

NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT

·         In the case of Nuclear Disarmament in Pakistan, the Taliban will drop their arms too. Taking over the reigns of the country would no longer require even a bullet. Tacit understanding would already have been reached, without a word being spoken or a drop of blood shed.

 

Unless you have noticed, Nuclear Proliferation and Nuclear Disarmament would have the same eventuality for Pakistan. Hence in Pakistan’s scenario,

 

NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION=NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT

 

·         If such an unwelcome situation presents itself before our nation, the United States will be relieved, for their tough challenger to the ‘World’s Most Powerful’ tag would be vanquished. The Pakistani administration would be grieving ostensibly but rejoicing secretively with seductive cocktails, Bangladeshi terrorist groups will be opening champagne bottles…sorry…rifles in Bengal, and the LTTE will reunite with its Motherland (delivering moving speeches about Patriotism on their arrival)

·         I know it is highly unlikely, but if Nuclear Disarmament is seen in the United States, 9/11 will subsequently become one of the most harmonious events in United States’ history.

·         If there is Nuclear Disarmament in China, the arms will eventually fall into the hands of the insurrecting Tibetans after 4 years and 179 days of gadarene and bloody rebellion. What would happen after that would be very unpleasant to predict (I do not enjoy bitter pills)

INDEPENDENCE

·         For Pakistan, ‘Independence’ in the current scenario would mean, needless to say, a cessation of International pressure, and in the long run, from US and India. In fact they wouldn’t mind a merge with the Taliban territory of Afghanistan so long as the US drone attacks India’s hard door-knocking are kept away. Oh…and even the spectacular delusion of trying to fight the Taliban with its own hands. Hang on...'In-dependence' for them can also mean riddance from the Taliban for reasons more than one. Prior to the advent of the Taliban, Pakistan had the reputation of being the world's chief exporter of terrorism, and thus became the cynosure in that regard. But today, any terrorist activity from Pakistani soil is squarely being blamed on the Taliban, and thus Pakistan have lost credit, haven't they?!

·         In the case of India, ‘In-dependence’ would mean to stop relying on Pakistan for the cause of a safe India. Simply, it would mean learning to tackle terrorism with our very own hands.

·         The United States have already experienced ‘Independence’ last November, when they emphatically emancipated themselves from the country’s most otiose leader ever-George Bush. I do not think the question of ‘Independence’ would arise for them any time soon.

·         For Sri Lanka, ‘Independence’ would be the word they would very well like to bellow across the Gulf of Manar to those eminent gentlemen who wish to ‘fast’ for a cause contradictory to the country’s endeavour and also to those who overtly flay the country’s penchant for terror eradication.

EQUALITY

·         For the Pakistani administration (I mean…the Taliban), ‘Equality’ would imply equal decimation of all people of the state.

·         In India’s case, it would mean equal struggle by all people of the society to abdicate languid governments and promote efficiency of governance (…which is very likely to occur often…)

·         In United States though, equality would have a radically different meaning. It would mean all people getting a taste of ‘Swine Flu’. And yes…equality in taxes can well be thrown out of the window so long as Obama rules the land.

·         For the Sri Lankan civilians, equality is a far-fetched dream that can very well be forgotten, for it can only mean equal privileges to the Tamilians and the locals.

 

...and there ends my travesty of sardonic parodies. 

P.S:-I hope you did like the picture affixed to this post. Do not abstain from coming up with even more interesting eventualities you think might show up.